On the Subject of Bomb Diffusal
Remember kids: diffuse is to, “spread or cause to spread over a wide area or among a large number of people”, and defuse is “to remove the fuse from (an explosive device) in order to prevent it from exploding.” Learn the difference. Spread the truth. And don’t make that mistake.
See Appendix A for indicator identification reference.
See Appendix B for battery identification reference.
See Appendix C for port identification reference.
Congratulations, new employee! You have successfully fulfilled all the expectations of a worker here at Steel Crate Games, and are ready to begin delivering our entertaining explosives all across the globe! Read the instructions below on how to use the Bomb Diffusal Software™.
Remember: Failure will not be tolerated here at SCG, so making mistakes may lead to your termination. Steel Crate Games is not responsible for any fatalities caused by the Bomb Diffusal Software™.
Instructions for Destination Selection
The first part of your job will be to identify the delivery number of the bomb-package you are delivering. Take the software license number and compare it to the serial number on the bomb Bomb Diffusal Software Casing™. Go through the table below with all 6 characters of both numbers. You should have 6 digits by the time you are done.
| License Number | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Serial Number | A–E | F–J | K–O | P–T | U–Y | Z/0–4 | 5–9 |
| A–E | 3 | 9 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 4 |
| F–J | 5 | 6 | 8 | 5 | 9 | 5 | 0 |
| K–O | 6 | 2 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 6 | 7 |
| P–T | 1 | 4 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 1 |
| U–Y | 2 | 3 | 9 | 7 | 2 | 7 | 2 |
| Z/0–4 | 5 | 1 | 8 | 2 | 8 | 4 | 4 |
| 5–9 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 4 | 0 |
Put the numbers together to make a 6-digit number. This is your delivery number. Find the numerical position of the highest, non-tied digit in the number. This digit refers to one of the 6 sectors* that the bombs will be dropped into, as shown in the table below.
* Australia is not included because it doesn’t have countries. Antarctica is not included because the only people who live there are scientists; and scientists are amazing at defusing bombs.
